So Erin Pearce brought this to my attention, and I’m really not sure why she hasn’t blogged about it because it almost made me cry it’s so astoundingly beautiful.
Harry Potter erotic fanfiction about Hogwarts getting it on with the giant squid from the lake. A giant squid fucking a building. Whip out your dick and let’s get literary.
1:29 AM - It’s gonna be a late night, my friends. Been bent over a light box for the past billion hours, inking comic pages - figured I’d let my hand enjoy a different activity for at least a few minutes. I’m being uncharacteristically perfectionistic with this project. Spell check is claiming that perfectionistic isn’t a word but we all know better.
2:45 AM - The tip of my thumb is being a little bastard. My recently married friend Brady moved to LA today from Minnesota. He looked at one apartment that was super beautiful but didn’t have a shower. Just a weird old-timey bathtub. How would that even happen?
3:44 AM - Supposedly Caligula said to his wife, “Off comes this beautiful head whenever i give the word. If only Rome had one neck.” What a catch! Sign me up. I wonder if Obama whispers shit like that into Michelle’s ear right before she falls asleep.
4:51 AM - At summer camp when I was 9 years old, there was this one male counselor named Derrick who was overly concerned with me- Always wanting to talk to me about my problems and trying to make me laugh. Apparently I was very shy and gave off the impression that I was unhappy. One day Derrick asked “Why don’t you ever smile?” and I got really defensive and angry because I was a prick kid. I basically stopped talking to him because I had previously viewed him as a confidant but he totally blew it when he asked me the same tired goddamn question adults always asked me, confirming my suspicions that he didn’t “get it”. One night later in the summer, all the cabins got together and we did this activity where we taped sheets of paper to our backs and everyone had to come up behind everyone else and write on the paper, anonymously, what they liked best about that person. Then we would read the paper afterward and feel all fucking snuggly about ourselves or whatever. So we did this activity, and I brought the paper back to my bunk to read it and it was all this stuff like “Julia is really nice” or “Julia is good at drawing” and I was kind of disenchanted because it was all so generic and boring but then at the bottom of the page it said, in red ink, “Julia has the most beautiful smile in the world.” and Derrick had signed his name under it, which was STRICTLY FORBIDDEN as far as this self-esteem-building exercise was concerned. And that night, I laid in bed with that sheet of paper and read it over and over again like a dumbass because it was probably one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to me. Super snuggly. Needless to say, all was forgiven and I totally slept with him at the end of the summer. Schwing!
5:33 AM - Man, I really like Florence + The Machine. Should probably go to bed. My hand has had it. Goodnight, sweet prince.